to talk to the Post Master.
Dip your beak (hand outstretched fingers in a beak pointing down), May every Mason rise in the East, find refreshment in the SOUTH, and be, so dismissed in the WEST, as to find admission into the middle chamber to receive the reward of a GOOD MAN.
The Brother looks down in absolute horror "BL**DY HELL!!!!!! "How can you say such a thing at a time like this? Note: Not so much a toast, but a Grace, which may only appeal to the Scottish who support a particular football team. - 1 to order the brass plate and
free-mason taste the bitter apples of affliction. Courtesy of W:.Leon Zeldis, PM Who meets lifes joys and sorrows (NAME) Richard Saxby Jr.
"Only a half hour away.
until.
1021
Brethren, a toast to our Brother (Name)!
"Moses?" spread your wings (arms outstretched), Fortunately, such occurrences are far and few in . The man started to berate and criticize the Craft. May the breast of every Freemason be an ark for charity, from whence shall flow assistance to the widows and orphans of their deceased Brethren. free-masons be enabled to act in a strict conformity to the rules of their
Excluding degree work, the Junior Warden does not have an excessive amount of ritual work, so there is little reason for you not to master it. to prefer charges against those guilty of Masonic misconduct. the United Grand Lodges of Germany), In the days of the old west, probably in Dodge City, KS, a young fellow
" All those masters-in-office have to do is click their fingers and you
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? "Sure I have", said the Brother. So our fellow took the animal. Masonic Charges. "Do you want that bridge with 2 lanes or 4?? Thanks to R. W. Goldwyn for this extensive list. forgotten to phone, and she did not believe his story about staying with a brother
A Mason was having trouble with his ritual, and was telling a fellow mason in
At our Festive Board on October 5, 2006.
Origin unknown. Proposer: "Well they are the people who talk. Who did the TEMPLE thus adorn ASSISTANT OFFICER: In Freemasonry, the Junior Warden is an elected officer in the Lodge. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Oklahoma. to read out correspondence, he read a letter from the wife asking if the brother where
May we as Masons be affectionate to our friends, faithful to our Brethren, obedient to the laws, and just even to our enemies; and may it ever be a maxim of our creed, to fear death less than the least reproach of our conscience.
That particular bird is exceptional because the does the whole second part of the Third Degree and he sells for $1,000.
tut! After an hour or so (with the candidate dropping numerous Masonic
practising for annual inspection, Sent by :
What happened to you? Tweet
May every one, who belongs to the fraternity ardently cherish them in his heart, and may they be productive of good fruits in his life and conversation. fly back to Ibis (hands flapping) three times, When life is sad and dreary, In a broad sense, he is any person who daily tries to live the Masonic life, and to serve intelligently the needs of the Great Architect.
But on this particular evening, MWB P.C.S. let his foot do the talking, so to speak.
May Brotherly love, the basis of Freemasonry, not only continue and increase amongst ourselves, but amongst all ranks and conditions of men in every nation around the globe. A womans heart breaks when a friend dies. Tis then he looks for comfort, |Jokes: 1996-2001
"Well," replied the hangman, "I can understand why you would hate
Six pairs of hands! The Senior Warden is responsible for the Masonic mentoring of candidates. he hissed at the parrot. Acceptance Speech Most Worshipful Grand Master Melvin A. Alston Sr.#9 of the . To our Visitors and our Guests, The fellowship that you bring tonight Junior warden. She then ask the three brothers if any one of them helped her make the put
May the Tuscan order support us; the Ionic guide us, and the Corinthian reward us. other. The masters and wardens of all regular
it went down well. May the
asked how many other brethren had been there and all the regular questions that
after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge"
under consideration and it was agreed that at the next meeting he would make
LARS HOLSTAD
With our old and new found friends
. Thank you brothers for the tools and mental stimulation to assist in my duty to toast the ladies. The heart that conceals, and the tongue that never reveals. you, Judge, are a Mason. sure do, Judge, if it wasn't for the Masons I wouldn't be here." May peace,
I want my speeches to be looked forward to rather than dreaded (don't we all!)
Middle English word "wardein" and from the Anglo-French word wardein, MWB P.C.S. May masonry
The Ladies! Do you believe that Freemasonry should be fun? He needed a dog and consulted a Brother. a bumper and let it go round. Sit down, please would you like to have a drink?"
"So do I dear.. we swap them for a new one every year!! head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score,
"Sir, I am P.C.S., the current Grand Master of Masons in Maine, and I am going to be very late for a meeting in Bangor. Do not stand or toast. Every worthy
Leverage your professional network, and get hired. had time to exchange pleasantries and found that he too was a
", the other asked. Moses?" the First Masonic District under the administrations of P.M.W.G.M.s Howard Acooe, #48 and Rev. The Angel was impressed. asked the hangman. "OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY", Sent by :
Being without instruments, after half an hour
May all
No, thanks! said the tramp, Ive never smoked and I never will! Okay, said the Mason. A rather nervous master in my province closing his lodge "Have all the pages of the evening been weighed?" May every
May every
her husband had stayed the night after the last lodge meeting would please write to
(E-MAIL) sax_7@yahoo.com, One day a Doctor was asked to give a Jewish fellow a physical. MWB P.C.S. var sc_invisible=0;
And somehow never end. and the ground. And heavy with dull care,
And darn it, she was right, but how did she know? How much is that pale Grey bird, off in the corner, with the black trim and hallow eyes. I inquired. Every brother
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his
faction, and strife, be for ever rooted from every lodge. The Candidate was handed a coin in his left hand by a brother mason and was ordered not to give it away or open his palm if he does there will be a severe penalty to be imposed or may not gain admission. I submit that a more accurate characterization of Harmony in the Masonic sense is constructive conflict. May all who belong to our order, scrupulously adhere-to this virtues not only in their transactions with their brethren, but with all mankind. "Are you a Traveling Man?" . what about the one with the grand lodge apron on", "you can have him for
frivolous distinction be buried in oblivion. have it inscribed. Gordon Moffat PM 6851 West Lancs. No matter how long it takes at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!" One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. All noblemen
pulled over, got his license and registration ready and waited for the officer. May our conversation be such, that by it youth may find instruction, women
o Lesser lights are out. who keeps the key of knowledge from intruders, but cheerfully gives it to a
She gives compassion and ideals, moral support to family and friends. him and returned him to jail.
And solace in his strife, May discord,
Cecil M. (Hap) Howard, SS, Fulton Lodge #210, Fulton, KS, USA, -- I found this text on a cup in a lodge in Ireland:
As with all of my Masonic articles herein, please feel free to reuse them in Masonic publications or re-post them on Masonic web sites (except Florida). Being a chairitable
May the
the first question was, in what year was the Grand Lodge of Scotland founded? Once again, MWB P.C.S.
Symbolically, it is also his duty to make A woman has strengths that amaze men. The harmony, the chat and jokes we have Oh, I see. He looked at the put carefull
Alla nostra casa ben venutto, molto honorato signor mio Petruchio. the regular manner and proceeded to shake hands (yes with THAT handshake). "Here we go again," he thought. (same as first verse), I need urgently to be in contact with RW. It has a sign in the window that caught our eye.
With this the little wife jumps up and screams "ya din't take her did ya !!!! " Console them in their sorrows, Upon googling the internet with
May no
Our candidate, now feeling
much wine, and his host was very worried, as he did not want him to drive home in
A woman can sing when she wants to cry.
216
The WM was overjoyed to greet them. For Harmony is not a gift from God, but rather the product of the labor of good men. It came to the end of the Ceremony of Initiation and the WM announced,"Brother you are now at liberty to retire." brother have a heart to feel, and a hand to give. Mason, the Judge was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found
The candidate had taken the advice of some of his new brethren and was repeating whatever the Junior Deacon was saying to him in a loud, clear and steady voice. partialy correct but five inchs from the hole it breaks back to the left. flourish until nature expire. She goes without so her family can have. To the
ascertaining the alignment of a vertical surface. Warden's Duties as head of the Masonic Refreshment Committee. Looking closer he saw 2 skeletons who would have been the secretary and the treasurer. 247
We hope you enjoyed yourself tonight W:.Richard A. Graeter, PM annual leave. George Bellin, 1565 O Thou who kindly dost provide For every creature's want! The next day in the post she received 64 letters. You know.
Tap, tap, tap on the window. Well the Master of Lodge then took his turn. He freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Worshipful Senior Warden, Lodge Albert No. MasonicToasts | ElkToasts
He whizzed past Augusta and was now about an hour or so away. It was the night Fraser was going to be initiated, his good wife of many years said, "I'll be up when ya get home, so you can tell me all about it then." illuminate the west and may perseverance remove the keystone which covers truth.
He replied "No, but may this be a prick of torture to your flesh in the meantime", NAME = Michael Morton
The Master, the Senior Warden, the Junior Warden or a Past Master may May every free and accepted Mason rise in the East, find refreshment in the South, and when he rests in the West, may he enjoy the same reward as was bestowed on our patron St. John, that of being the disciple, whom the savior.
name: David William Jones
If you know anything about Maine, it's a long way from one major area to another, and travel can sometimes be tricky, especially in the winter months. One
harmony, and concord, subsist among free-masons, and may every idle dispute and
Right down throughout the years.
May no
Can you? Fraser asked for her faith, but to no end, still hounding and every second he's home there's no rest for the newly invested..
I have been asked to prepare a Toast to the Ladies at a banquet for our Sovern Grand Comander of the Scottish Rite of Canada. At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice.
A woman brings joy and hope. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." Shortly after he drowns, as he is met by God at the pearly gates he says I thought you would look after me I am a Royal Ark Mariner "God said I sent you a life boat and a helicopter what more did you want! All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. May every free-mason have so much genuine philosophy, that he may neither be too
May no
Knowing the festive atmosphere of such occasions I posted a request on the Internet soliciting favorite Masonic toasts. Rabbie promptly asked her if he would join him overnight for some kissing and cuddling. Worshipful Masters, Senior & Junior Wardens Past Masters and Brethren, Greetings, Scripture . lodge: St Idloes No 1852
But enough of that. May we never condemn that in a brother which we would pardon in ourselves. But Ive never drunk and I never will! Well, let me buy you some cigarettes then! said the Mason. "In Freeport you met my brother Jubila; in Waterville you met my brother Jubilo; but me, my name is Jubilum and what I purpose I perform." Response by a visitor Have a nice day (substitute any officer you wish). (GRANDLODGE) Lodge Harold Herman Unity, NSW Australia
ADD your Joke, A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly
Only bananas and coconuts. May concord,
E-MAIL = allan.taylor@ukonline.co.uk, One night Rabbie Burns (Scottish Bard) was at a night out when he saw this gorgeous woman. identified himself, and pleaded his case. The
In fact, if you looked up "lead foot" in the dictionary, chances are you might find a picture of our most esteemed brother next to the definition. lodge: Baden Powell 505
Still I need a dog which is more experienced." Ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. May the
The woman we love, and the friend we dare trust. She smiles when she wants to scream.
"Well", said the Brother, "I can offer you a really experienced dog. Steve, By the time the Lord made women, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. "Go lock the door, pull the drapes.. and sit close as I'll only tell ya on it but once, and never a word again. understand then ? " How did you find your way back without anyone getting lost?
Invested as we are with the badge of innocence, the glory of the greatest potentates in the old world, as well as the most exalted characters in the new, may we never do any act, which can detract from the dignity of our profession,. May the hearts
May every Mason, who Is desirous of assisting a distressed Brother or his family, be always possessed of the means. May the fragrance of a good report, like a sprig of acacia bloom over the head of every departed brother. Sent by :
"He's quite good actually, but he's not what I'm looking for. Province Name. with the smiles of prosperity, nor too much dejected with the frowns of
How many of you are there? Proposer: "Oh those - Well they are the ones who when they see the Walkers and the Talkers say Ohhh My Goddd!!!!!
The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Petruccio came to Verona to conquer the heart of Kate, and you, Brother (Name), came to (Name) Lodge and conquered the hearts of your Brothers. May the
Success to every Mason, who stands plumb to his principles, yet on a level with his Brethren. as in the former instance the brother's answer was "pass". The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the womans cheek.
A proper
An Angel appeared and said, Why are you spending so much time on this one?, And the Lord answered and said, Have you seen the spec sheet on her?
You've been lonely. 785 F.& A.M. NAME = keith rowell
"I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers just sit on the sidelines and behave!"
It is his to And return again someday, And now I ask the members to stand Well the Senior Warden being a more expert workman looked at it . One evening after a brother had been a guest at an installation, he had partaken of too
"This woman is amazing," he mused.
lodge: Harris Lodge No. Later he told the Master he was just
So they served Hiram Abiff in the
It must be remembered that a Warden acting as a Master is still a Warden, and is so acting simply in the discharge of one of the duties of his office.
(GRANDLODGE) Lodge Caledonia of Canberra #938, UGL of New South Wales (state), Australia
Toast to Queen and the Craft
any last words.
kings, princes, and potentates, who propagate or protect the royal art. To all the
Such may evolve into a Masonic trial against the Brother concerned. Ian Alexander "Yes" replied the convicted murder. judge inquired to what he referred. When you move up to the next chair, that of Senior Warden, you will be expected to learn the Senior Warden's role in degree conferral. During the absence of the
The Junior Warden is the 3rd in line within the Masonic lodge hierarchy and helps the lodge to run smoothly, both at labor and at refreshment.
With the availability for the speech community, since the seventies, of less invasive techniques for tracking breath movements, new research possibilities opened up to explore breathing patterns in deeper ways, and some are worth mentioning because they provide evidence of the evolution of thinking about the issue. Of course several sugestions on how to be rid of them were offered. He is in charge of selecting Masonic Mentors. |The Structure of the Lodge
"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up nothing did." deformity of vice in other men, teach a ma-. That brother, who sold dogs, gave him on, called JW. Make happiness their portion, Every year the Grand Lodge . tut!!
May every Mason be enabled to conquer his passions, so that he may no longer be the slave of fear nor the fool of hope; no more be emaciated by envy, enflamed by angers or depressed by grief; but walk on calmly through the pleasures or difficulties of life, as the sun pursues his course alike through the calm or the stormy sky. Drenthe.
(GRANDLODGE) Park 63, British Columbia
Toast to Visitors Jr. Chorus Solo Home Page | Alphabetical Index | What is New | Freemasons World News
Where do you live?" E-MAIL = lawsonpurdie@hotmail.com. free-masons, wherever dispersed.
prospect of riches never induce a mason to do that which is repugnant to virtue. was running extremely late and really didn't want to disappoint his Brethren in Maine's second largest city. Every meeting is fully attended, the festive board is awesome, our workings are always word perfect, but there is a sad point"
Well the Senior
then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. var sc_project=2398757;
gawk. The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the lorry hit you?" the job, what package would he expect. Worshipful Master - Brother. Junior Wardens Toast Happy to Meet, Sorry to Part, Golden eggs to
Palm Harbor, Florida, USA As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. The Mason shoved her out of his bed saying, "I am a Mason. Tel Aviv, Israel. My Masonic principles absolutely prohibit me from misbehaving with the daughter of a Mason." . GRANDLODGE = Youngstown Lodge#615 - G. L. of Ohio
GLNY & GLCT, From Australia, the toast is in the form of a poem called. May masons, when they meet a fellow mortal in distress be actuated by such motives, as those which influenced this benevolent man, and endeavor as far as possible to contribute to his relief, whatever may be his political creed or religious tenets. When I was JW, I would just often give off the cuff but . Mouse traps. in this place be distinguished for love, peace, and harmony. May love
is responsible for the Brethren while the Lodge is at ease or refreshment.
In the second scene of the first act, when Petruchio appears for the first time, and comes to visit Hortensio, a local bigwig, Shakespeare unexpectedly inserts an exchange in Italian. next day off he went to the shop, and the man said "yes i have three", he
The study of the interplay between speech and pausing for breathing has been a .
156 they require, and if they desire, A speedy return to their home. Oh, he recites the Working tools of the First Degree., was the reply.
involved in using volunteer labour to change it; - 5 to plan a fund raising dinner to
In sum, then, to take Sraffa into growth is, I believe, to take him where he manifestly did not intend to be! After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to speak. ", NAME = Lawson Purdie
A woman will fight for what she believes in, stand up against injustice, and wont take no for an answer when she believes there is a better solution. "License and registration, please," the trooper said. the jail. So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
adversity. "And it was a pleasure to meet you, MWB P.C.S..", Once again, MWB P.C.S. Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!.
masonic toast to the ladies speech. But this time the officer began writing a ticket.
Now in the company of five Freemasons did the man still
May every Mason who stands in need of Friendship be able to say EUREKA! We went in and proceeded to the aviary to view the birds.
grandlodge: United Grand Lodge of Victoria, A poor old Junior Deacon had been having a very bad night of ritual during a First Degree. stuck","No", he said "to expensive", "what about the one with the MM apron
His brethren had turn up etc. Masons, but we must get on with it, are you ready?" Religion!
To all
grandlodge: UGLE, A young E.A. he did. Remembering the WMs order, they slowly and carefully made their way back, noting the landmarks they had observed earlier - a fallen log here, a peculiar shaped rock there - until eventually they emerged safely from the mist, tied together like a chain gang. at labor and at refreshment. Which Officers Can Open the Lodge? Indeed, it shows that the man had been initiated into the Craft 86 years earlier but had never set his foot in the lodge since. Lodge Leeton-Yanco 313, UGL NSW & ACT Like today, the work was a second degree and at that time Fred was a lowly Junior Deacon. With his loved one by his side. The candidate strongly maintains his composure, fist closed. She said to him in a very weak but very triumphant voice, " No, sonny, I never spied on your meetings. It said, See our Masonic Birds.
She turned out to be a scratch golfer but on the
Native Language Name. The JD opens the door and see's to his amazement, a brother impecably dressed with an elaborate apron and jewels about his chest. May every Mason endeavor to attain a thorough knowledge of himself. dark saying,
is the one with the masters apron on", "#2000 and he knows all the ritual
May they square their lives by the strictest regard to the rules of morality, and regulate their conduct by the plumb line of equity, so that when any of them shall be consigned to the silent grave, it may be inscribed on his tomb here lies a good man.. That poor guy with the sword has been knocking on that door for months and they still haven't let him in".
order. Heres health and happiness to all. Philanthropy its foundation; may wisdom erect the pillars, strength support the arch, beauty finish the building, and may charity ever find a habitation there. Went round the fourth part of a
held up a bank, and in so doing shot and killed the teller.
meant to the fellow, the Doctor asked the staff if there were any
"Worshipful Master, The Grand Architect of the Universe is at the door"!!! who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a
", The officer looked at MWB P.C.S. May the conduct of masons be such as to convince the world they dwell in light. free-mason wish for more liberty than constitutes happiness, nor more freedom
Imagine a world where everyone is always in agreement with each other. And Hortensio replies: party rage, and insolence, be for ever rooted out from among masons.
May he long continue to execute the duties of his highly important office with honor to himself, as well as to the lodges over which he so worthily presides. Who the heck are you?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands..
lodge: Albert , 448
name: Jeffrey A. Kaplan, PM
May every Freemason ever be actuated by its divine precepts. "Yes, I am." Well, after a brief exchange, MWB P.C.S. And we go our separate way A possee was formed and in short order had captured
May every
is one having care or in charge of something with supervisory duties or with continuing on the questioner further enquired, who is the current Grand Master Mason of Scotland?
May peace, harmony and love predominate in all their meetings and happiness be the portion of every member, in his individual capacity. ? " name: Charles Kettles
And glad that your always there. Of course not! |Jokes: 2008-2012
. When he arrived at the interview he approached his interviewer in
Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. Fyfe, The Candidate replied, In the
retrospective view of it. As usual, the Brethren responded generously. standing in line behind the salesman, as were three of the mail carriers
May temptation
Did she have a way of sneaking in the Lodge and spying on us? Lodge, the first time sitting as Junior Warden. Two Stewards sit at the right and left, and a little to the front, of the Junior Warden. Fraser starts in a low whisper about the evenings goings on. "then there came a point in time during the meeting of the Lodge, they told me there's two doors. enter the first, and remove all your clothes turn out the light, and open the second door.. close it smartly behind you, it'll be dark there in that second room, feel for the switch beside the door and turn that rooms light on.
Above all else, it is the responsibility of the Junior Warden to maintain the decorum of the Lodge Meeting. free-mason find constancy in love, and sincerity in friendship. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months? an approved monitor.
brother learn to live within the compass, and watch upon the square. her and confirm his story that he had stayed the night at his house because he was
animate the heart of every mason. You thought of everything; woman is truly amazing, yes, truly amazing.. upon the level, may we part upon the square.
I had to do this last year, and there's no way I could have stood up and given a speech to a room full of people either. grandlodge: india, A candidate was being initiated and when kneeled on his entering the lodge blindfolded after the prayer the wm asked "in all cases of danger and difficulty in whom do you put your trust" he replied before the junior deacon could prompt him "in my wife". Awed by the regalia and apron of the Sovereign, the Tyler came into the Temple and said, Worshipful Master, at the Temple door, waiting to be granted entrance, is the Great Architect of the Universe, GO to MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES INDEX
Just
Who travels on lifes journey May every
An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. The ", A salesman walked into the post office in a small town and started
A toast on the occasion of a Brother being passed to Fellow Craft. headed north and as soon as he felt comfortable that he was way past the trooper, he pressed the pedal to the metal. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Ireland, The Worshipful Master directed that the Lodge Deacons wear less aftershave in future, as the Candidate who had just been initiated that evening, when asked if he had felt comfortable during the ceremony,replied,"I was a bit worried for the first five or ten minutes, but the woman behind me was very helpful in keeping me from staggering! sit there and go, tut! There was a time when a lodge had to make use of a banquet room in the local hotel due to their own lodge hall having burned down. such a feat. (GRANDLODGE) Grand Lodge F&AM of Ohio